Nothing Collapsed! That's a Win!
It might have been a record day in Minnesota on Sunday. We accumulated a ridiculous amount of snow during a snowfall, the most since 2010 when the Metrodome collapsed all like it was releasing its bowels, AND the Vikings didn't choke the game against the Bears away, despite their horrid offense and best efforts! I mean, can you think of the last time those things didn't happen?! It was amazing. The defense played (kind of ) soundly, the offense was sharp (by offense I mean "Adrian Peterson," obviously), and special teams even did what they had to do with a nice onside kick recovery. The whole thing was pretty amazing. Despite the teams' best efforts to crumble down the stretch and not win another game after their bye week, they actually pulled out a victory against the Chicago Bears on Sunday, winning 21-14.
Now, the big question is … What draft pick will we miss out on in 2013 with this year's meaningless win? I call it the "RGIII Avoidance Win." I can't wait to find out!
Mushroom Stamp of Approval:
There is no one else on this team since Percy Harvin was unjustly put on injured reserve who deserves a Mushroom Stamp of Approval award when the Vikings win except for Adrian Peterson. No one. I don't even care if Ponder would have thrown a game clinching first down pass to Kyle Rudolph who caught the thing one handed while getting sandwiched between two Bears defenders. Would, Not, Matter. In this unlikely scenario, I'd guess that Peterson probably got them to the position where they needed a game clinching catch anyway, which is pretty much the case as is. The heavenly monster had two touchdowns on the day, 154 yards, and a couple of nasty stiff arms on his way to a potential 2,000 yard season. IF YOU ARE NOT AWARE, THIS IS RIDICULOUS, AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN 365.25 DAYS SINCE HE TORE HIS ACL AND MCL. Even when Adrian Peterson is 67 years old and lopes at a soft jog in a "Hall of Famer" game, I will still be amazed. You're the best at everything, buddy.
God Dammit, We're Still in This Thing:
Despite my attempt to not get all excited and think up impossible win-loss scenarios if the Vikings were to win on Sunday, I am sitting here now doing exactly that. You can play with the ESPN Playoff Machine and try to get the Vikings into the playoffs, but it's not easy. Essentially, we COULD get in with a 9-7 record, meaning we could suffer a loss to the Texans, but then everyone else you can think of would almost have to lose out. The Packers, the Seahawks (HATE YOU SEATTLE!), the Bears, Cowboys, Redskins, etc. It …. Is pretty complicated. But really, the Vikings are playing above-.500 football in December, with meaningful games on the horizon, and the simple fact that this is my reality blows my grey matter. Did you anticipate this to start the year? I mean before we confusingly went 4-1? Me either. I pinned us at about six wins, so we've already exceeded my expectations. Way to go, Vikings, for beating low expectations!
Notes and Nips:
Lots of other garbage from this game, so let's get into it:
– Dirty Harry strikes again. I've heard some complaints from the rookie safety this year that he doesn't wrap up when he tackles, but if that's the biggest gripe you have against a rookie safety on this team after the used tampons we've been tossing out there recently, I'll take it. He's probably already the best ball hawk we've had on the team since Corey Chavous, and … God … that was a sad time.
– Ponder still looked horrific. No exceptions there. But, as has happened before, I saw one or two passes that looked NFL-ian. I really wish this pimple faced nerd could do this on a consistent basis, that's all I want.
– On the other hand, what an epic Arm-Punt at the end of the first half. When the camera was on Ponder side stepping and then looking downfield to heave a big throw, you were thinking "Holy shit, someone MUST be wide open if Ponder is risking to throw it more than eight yards!" And you would have been correctly, technically, except Ponder then under-threw the guy by at least 10 yards. Oops.
– I think we should designate Everson Griffen to be the guy we call on when we want to put another team's player out of commission. He had two outrageous hits on Cutler today, which were fantastic, and has done that a couple of other times this season. We should also then pay him extra too so he can offset his inevitable fines. Not as a "bounty," per se, but as a performance raise on his contract, due to total … tackle … numbers … yeah.
– Honestly though, Adrian Peterson ripping the first run from scrimmage off for 51 yards was epic. The stiff arm he dropped was one for the books, too. I'm filing this under the "Fantastical" chapter of the Bible. They have that, right?
– Nice to see Michael Jenkins show up today. Jerome Simpson actually held on to the ball once too. Was NOT anticipating that.
– "Inception" was on at the beginning of the game, too. That movie is a great watch once you've already seen it and understand the nuances. Pick up a lot more stuff. I also am having this urge to create a robust Leonardo DiCaprio DVD library. He is so fucking good at ACTING.
– He was put in some tough spots today, but I really will be happy when AJ Jefferson is no longer on this team.
– Brandon Marshall is going to be a real cock sucker to have in this division for the next five years or however long.
Last Gasp Haiku:
Hey! Know what this means?
That's what you guys are!
Well, amazingly we can't stop talking about this season yet. We have a winnable game against the Rams next week on the road, but I'm certain we'll lose that one because it's a road game, we need to win it, people are feeling good after a win … All of the above. I just hope they don't forget to feed Peterson the ball for his 2,000 yard season. At least let him have that, people.