Purple Jesus’ Son is a Gift from God

So we already know who we’re drafting in 2031; Purple Jesus Jr. Hopefully he’s a quarterback. That way his knees will be ultra-protected by those jerks in the NFL offices. Until then, you’ll just have to appreciate that our future franchise player – who will take after his father, currently rehabbing running back Purple Jesus for the Minnesota Vikings – is already a Vikings fan and totally shits hundreds on a whim.

Think about what an upgrade he will be already. PJ Jr. probably won’t ask for a huge contract, because he can create money from his underpants on a whim. Also, he already looks like he’s got a strong grip, so we’ll never have to worry about Culpepper hands at the quarterback position when he takes over. You can already tell too that his eyes are down field, looking past the camera for an open receiver. Best of all? He’s CLEARLY a Vikings fan already. And a fan of Mickey Mouse, but whatever. Draft his rights now and BOOM! QB controversy over!

And what does Purple Jesus think about this?

Naturally he loves it!

Actually, this is the photo he posted on his Twitter account after surgery this past weekend, while he was laid up in the hospital recovery. With his shirt off, conveniently (you’re welcome, fellas ladies). He looks to be in good spirits and loving some of that ice cream. Is it better than that strawberry JAAAAMMM? I doubt it. But probably still pretty good. And don’t worry, he wasn’t actually alone. I’m sure PJ Jr. was there breaking down game film between burps and poops. When busy with that, though, Purple Jesus had family visit him.

Is this a toga party, or what the hell is going on?

Get better soon, bud. We miss you. #emoblogger


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.