I know, I know. Halloween was LAST week, you moron, why are we still talking about Minnesota Vikings players dressing up in costume? Well, it's because Kyle Rudolph, Chad Greenway, and John Sullivan are all wearing ballerina outfits, that's why. Listen, understand one thing around here. If a Vikings player is shirtless, that's some breaking news. If a Vikings player is in a LEOTARD?!! Servers shut down. The Earth stops spinning. Water turns to wine which turns to pee because I drink a lot of it. The wine, I mean, not the pee. You know what? Nevermind.
In other words, this is a big deal, folks!
The picture in question comes from @jordannine, who I believe is the young lass tight end Kyle Rudolph is dating. Her Twitter profile is spattered with Notre Dame shout outs (booo!!), so the connection writes itself. In the picture, I think she's the one on the far left. On the far right is another fine young lady who knows how to decorate for Christmas in Ashley Tarutis, John Sullivan's girlfriend/fiance/wife/ballandchain. I would be interested in hearing how she pronounces her last name. Is it "Tar-oo-tis?" "Tah-root-is?" Taroo-tis?" I be perplexed. I don't know for sure either, but I would assume the shortest girl in the middle is Chad Greenway's wife. I think they own a tiny dog together. And have kids and stuff. The dog fact is funny to me. Big linebacker with a tiny dog. You know how it goes.
When all is said and done though, I can objectively say that all three of them look COMMANDINGLY better in a leotard than their male counterparts do. Of the Vikings players, I would say Kyle Rudolph pulls a bit of an upset here, as he really can fill out a Lycra, and actually is displaying some solid dance form. Chad Greenway is really going for his Mikhail Baryshnikov look as he tries to get all stoic on people. Sullivan? That little scamp is just so full of heart! He really tried, didn't he?
I suppose the real question to all of this is … WHY. Did these three really show up to the team party the Monday night before Halloween like this with their ladies? Or was this just a random night of dress up? Are these Vikings players actually secret tiny dancers when the games are over? I didn't bother to research too much into this because my internet browser history was about to get all weird, but if anyone knows the answer, feel free to chime in.
In the meantime, everyone else just needs to remember that no matter how "cute" or "adorbs" you may think it is for three grown men to dress in revealing leotards, nothing tops Adrian Peterson barely having to dress up for his Hulk costume this year. TOTAL SPADES, BUDDY.