Ah, summertime! It’s the point in the year when college girls start wearing their flowing dresses, soccer moms put on their tank tops, and trendy 20-somethings looking for a fun night wear ankle breaking heels with painted on jeans. In fact, that might actually be paint … No, no … Pleather. Works either way. The point being, summer is AWESOME for skin watching, and the Minnesota Vikings Cheerleaders seem to know this as well, since they regularly schedule the photo shoots for their swimsuit calendar during this time of the off season. Photo shoots and video shoots of photo shoots, if you like to see female parts moving.
And that’s great! Except I of course won’t be buying this calendar. Why? Because it’s missing something. Shirtless men.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I love admiring the wonderful female form as much as the next man. And frankly, isn’t that what the sole purpose of the modern day NFL cheerleader is for, to be eye candy playing into the marketing hands of “Sex Sells?” Because they’re not actually cheering anything. They don’t lead the crowd in rousing team song renditions or ask ticket holders in the first row to “Give ‘Em a V!” for Vikings. They dance, they smile, they keep a TIGHT figure, and they play off the high levels of testosterone that surround the sport that is the NFL. And that’s fine, if we acknowledge this and call a spade a spade.
But, come on NFL. You’re kidding yourself if you think there isn’t an entire demographic (or three!) you’re missing out on by only providing pictures of blond women with breasts in a team calendar. Uh, what about the female football fans that enjoy checking out Visanthe Shiancoe wearing tight spandex? Do you thinking watching him run around with a SHIRT ON is enough? Of course not. We all know Christian Ponder is MORE than willing to drop his shirt at the first request and get chesty with it for his fans. There are people out there willing to do it, to open up to this market, so why not let it happen?
It’s time for a player’s swimsuit calendar. A monthly calendar full of dudes. Tastefully done, of course. Like get Shirtless Ponder and John Sullivan to just bro it up on a boat together with their award winning smiles on Lake Minnetonka. Or have Kyle Rudolph go from his sweaty, tough work out to having a puppy lick his face. Maybe even ask Greg Childs to get off his damn car and messily wash his car under the hot sun. Whatever. Just some ideas. The women would love it, the GAYS would love it, and even the CLOSETED GAYS like us nerds on this site that track down images of men without shirts would like it. I legitimately would consider buying a shirtless Vikings player calendar just for the laughs that would follow. Sell the cheerleaders swimsuit calendar and the shirtless one as a dual-package bonus. Two calendars for $25 instead of each on at $15 separately! They’d sell like hot cakes! Do I have to do all the thinking myself?
It’s time. Let’s move into 2012, NFL. Stop pretending like peopel don’t want to see shirtless men out there, that they’re ONLY interested in T&A. Stop pretending like there isn’t an NFL player who is probably gay that would love to do this as well. I’m looking at you, Josh Freeman. JUST STOP DISCRIMINATING, NFL. Or else we’re going to start calling you a sexist. For real.