It was the wildling Ygritte, the lady with the fire burning red hair, who enticed the bastard son of Eddard Stark, Jon Snow, when he was traveling with the free people of the North. As he tried to learn the ways of her people, of all "free" people beyond the Wall, Ygritte would constantly remind him that he didn't know half as much as he thought he did. "You know nothing, Jon Snow" she would tell him, often derisively, chiding him for his complete ignorance on the topic at hand.
So it is that today I channel my inner Ygritte in telling YOU that you know nothing when it comes to hating the Green Bay Packers and Green Bay Packer fans. Why? Because you haven't heard this genocide on ears, aka, a rap song from Green Bay Packer fans H2H2 titled "NFC North Trash Talkin'. Prepare your anus.
There are so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so many things about this video that make me weep for humankind. Let's toss them out in bullet points because it's easier, and sadder, that way:
– That beat … Why would you do something of this caliber over a Roxio beat from Acid DJ 2.0? WHY?! My god.
– "Jay I hear your favorite rapper is 50 Cent, is that because all the Bears can expect is fifty percent?" … What does that even mean. What are you trying to say, honestly? Do you KNOW that Jay Cutler's favorite rapper is 50 Cent? Has he said that? And if so, how do you know it wasn't just a throw away line? And what are we expecting with the 50 percent? Is it the whole team that is doing something at 50%? Jay Cutler? His passing percentage? The percentage of pass attempts that result in TDs? The effort he gives? The fertility of his sperm count? I have no idea what you morons are talking about.
– Why would anyone put the effort forth to make fun of the Detroit Lions in a rap song? Even if you feel obligated to do so because you're "writing a song" (I use those quotation marks heavily) about the NFC North, you're still better off skipping them. It says more about you than about them.
– Is that the only black-ish looking guy you could find in all of Wisconsin to mimic Ndamukong Suh? I mean, I'll believe you if you say yes, and if you admit that he's actually Asian or Filipino.
– Oh, an Urkel reference! Go fuck yourself!
– RE: The Detroit needs a bail out line … How much do you want to bet that these dick noses work in a car factory and were pissed when people didn't want to support American cars, but then were calling Obama racist names when he gave a government bailout because he stole their money? Classic assholes!
– "Why don't the Vikings do the Lambeau leap? It's kind of hard to do when you got all those empty seats." Oh, you mean the consistently sold out Metrodome? No, you must mean when Kyle Rudolph Lambeau Leaps into the fans at Lambeau Field actually, making you all look like cock grubbing man lovers. I gotcha now.
– Signing Brett Favre, something about regret, horrible voice and cadence ensue … Sure, if you regret enabling that attention whore for the other 16 years of his career in Wisconsin. If you do that, then I WON'T regret when he came back to Lambeau and made you all beat your wife that night with an epic butt fisting.
– There was some line about the Metrodome also, but it was orated so poorly and slowly that I couldn't tell where the line began and where it ended, and the allusion drawn made as much sense as a white guy from Wisconsin rapping, so I let that one slide.
– Perhaps the best part is that the linked YouTube account to these video abortions is called "ThatYouthPastorDude." Oh really? Now you're a youth pastor? You're such a model for our children and society, especially that whole part where you make fun of a player by using hateful gay undertones. Congratulations, 1997! Your insults are scathing!
There you go. You should be in full rage mode now, and prepped pretty well for a solid HATEHATEHATE week. Go fuck yourself, Wisconsin.