As has been evident that past five days or so, the last game the Minnesota Vikings played was certainly one for the urinal cakes. They got throttled by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on national television, and wasted a perfectly awesome Purple Jesus run for no good reason. If that doesn't piss you off, it should, and clearly, it "pissed" this following Vikings fan off, too.
The Twit pic comes from some rando called @TriggaMike63 (solid handle, bro), who snapped a shop of this dinkle donkle in full glory. There are so many things to TRULY appreciate about this shot, so let's break it down:
– The two ladies who posed for the picture. One got into the frame pretty nicely, and is looking like she's trying to throw up the "rock on" fingers, which I whole heartily agree with. Going to piss yourself, amigo? Do it with conviction! That's so rock and roll. The other lady looks like she might be hot too, but it's hard to tell since we only see her sexy, wavy hair and what looks like a cowboy hat or a fedora, neither of which really is appropriate, but both of which are allowed to slide since she's sitting in front of a guy who literally has urine all over his crotch.
– Look at how the programs are still laying on the backs of several of the chairs. This tells me one of two things. First, this picture was possibly taken at an uncrowded part of the stadium, higher up, later on in the game when moral was super low, OR! … This game was taken somewhere, REALLY EARLY in the game since no one had grabbed their program yet, and this guy peed all over himself all ready. Obviously, the latter is a much more exciting prospect.
– Let's talk about this guy. First, check out his get up. He's not even wearing Vikings colors. Just a wind breaker, and some drab work pants. Maybe just strolled in from the factory job that night to take in some NFL, decided to screw the bathroom lines at half time, and released his bladder right on seat 10. So free!
– Also, is the guy passed out? Napping? Looking at the camera? Watching the game? I can't tell, but I do know he doesn't give a shit. Dude, the guy has piss from his waist band to his knee caps, and he's sitting there spread eagle, giving zero EFFs to anyone watching. I freak out and try to friction-dry a couple of pee drops on my work pants during the day when I leave the bathroom. I couldn't imagine having the balls to just walk with my drenched pelvis all thrust out like I own the place.
– It has to smell pretty bad, right?
– Miller Lite pee. Ew.
Either way, congrats Vikings fan, you are awesome. I'm sure if asked you'd be all like, "No, my dude-friend spilled a beer-skie on my crotch-spot, so I had to nab this Miller Lite from the beer guy on the go! I totally didn't wet myself!" but of course no one would believe you. I hope you at least offered to buy those ladies a nice Mike's Hard Lemonade for their inconvenience. And by the looks of this picture, I'm sure you did.