Vikings Sign a Novelist and a Gas Station to Future Contracts
I wanted to just say “Mexican”, but this guy Jose Valdez sounds more like a mix between Valvoline and something Exxon. Is that a good thing? Also, he’s probably not at all Mexican, and of course I would never lie to you.

Anyway, BIG NEWS today, as the Minnesota Vikings recently announced the signing of two players to future contracts, the aforementioned Jose Valdez (offensive linemen) and Daniel Hardy, a tight end who I’m pretty sure also writes military drama novels on the side. I’ll be honest with you. I have no idea how future contracts work in the NFL, nor do I really care. If I had to take a drunken, half-masturbating shot in the face, I’d say that it’s when you sign someone from another team’s practice squad after … two? … years without them playing in a regular season game, and the contract is non-guaranteed. This means we get to kick their flubby tires in OTAs and other mini camp activities while they freak out about whether or not they’ll have a job in two months. Honestly? That kind of sounds awful.

But I’m guessing that Valdez and Hardy don’t give two shits since they have their famous names to fall back on. More on them after the jump:
From Yahoo! Sports comes a couple of probably-factual pieces of information about these two head-turners:

  • Hardy, a 6-4, 249-pound tight end out of Idaho, was drafted in the seventh round of the 2011 NFL Draft by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. After struggling to stick with the Buccaneers, Hardy signed with the New Orleans Saints’ practice squad midway through the 2011 regular season. Considered an NFL prospect more for his receiving skills than his blocking abilities, Hardy will have a chance to show the Vikings that he can be an asset in the passing game. He will, however, have to prove that he can be a sufficient blocker as well if he hopes to earn a roster spot.
  • Valdez, a 6-6, 324-pound offensive tackle out of Arkansas, went undrafted during in the 2009 NFL Draft. He has spent the last three seasons on the Atlanta Falcons’ practice squad but has yet to work his way up to the active roster. Although Valdez played tackle in college, he is better suited as a guard prospect for the Vikings. His lack of foot speed and elite pass blocking make him a lackluster candidate for either offensive tackle spot. Despite his deficiencies, he does boast capable run blocking and nice pass blocking technique. Valdez lacks great upside, but has some potential as a backup.

UUUHHH, DID SOMEONE SAY SUPERBOWL??! This is more impressive than the Reggie White coup!

Really, it probably doesn’t mean much. When has ANYONE out of the state of Idaho EVER turned into a halfway decent football player?!? It does make you wonder what crazy ol’ Rick Spielman has up his sweaty sleeves though. Why focus on a tight end? Are we to assume that the Dong Assassin is not returning? That would actually make me quite sad. I think Shank has represented the Vikes well and tries harder than roughly 90% of the team on any given basis. With Valdez, well, yeah … the offensive line sucked. But are we looking for competition, depth, or bodies? Does this mean Hutchinson is going to be cut or retire because of injuries? Because that’s the rumor some eight year old told me, and I totally believe him.

Either way, until reading about these two fellas I had totally forgotten that the teams do mini camps and OTAs and all that stuff during the offseason, so I GUESS I’ll have to write about real football related stuff during that time.

Just kidding. More poop posts coming up!


About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.