On Monday afternoon, the Minnesota Vikings traded Percy Harvin to the Seattle Seahawks. Thus ended Percy's tumultuous four year stint in Minnesota, and set the Vikings on the path of having only second year receiver Jarius Wright left as a guaranteed contract on the roster at wide receiver.
As a highly valued member of the Minnesota media, I feel it is my responsibility to provide you, dear reader, with an objective, level headed take on this franchise-changing roster move, and so that is exactly what I have done below.
Allow me to collect myself, and … Here we go:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE WHY WOULD YOU JUST TAKE SOMETHING THAT IS GOOD AND THEM MAKE IT SOMETHING THAT IS BAD I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS IF PERCY HARVIN DEMANDED 15 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR YOU GIVE THAT TYPE OF MONEY TO HIM WHAT ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ARE YOU THINKING THAT IS PROBABLY THE PROBLEM YOU HAVE RICK SPIELMAN UP THERE SUCKING QUARTERS OUT OF A DONKEY DICK INSTEAD OF CUTTING DEAD WEIGHT DUMB ASSES LIKE TOBY GERHART TO FREE UP CAP SPACE TO RE-SIGN ONE OF THE BEST ALL-PURPOSE THREATS IN THE GAME BUT INSTEAD YOU TRADE HIM TO A TEAM I ALREADY HATE ENOUGH FOR A FIRST ROUND AND SEVENTH ROUND PICK THIS YEAR AND A THIRD NEXT YEAR FIRST OF ALL THAT TRADE IS STUPID WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO IT SEATTLE YOU IDIOTS AND SECOND WHY WOULD YOU TRADE PERCY HARVIN AT ALL ALL HE WAS MAD ABOUT WAS THAT OUR QUARTERBACK SUCKS AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S GOD DAMN RIGHT WE HAD ADRIAN PETERSON RUSHING FOR A BILLION YARDS LAST SEASON AND PONDER COULD NOT EVEN THROW FOR 150 YARDS IN A GAME NO SHIT PERCY IS UPSET I'D BE UPSET TOO AND YOU TRY TO SUGAR COAT A TURD DONUT TO HIM AND SAY IT'LL BE COOL MAN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT PONDER WILL GET BETTER WELL GUESS WHAT PERCY DIDN'T BUY YOUR STINK LOG AND NEITHER AM I PONDER IS AWFUL YOU'RE AWFUL AND YOUR FRANCHISE IS AWFUL YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BLEACH DRINKING IDIOTS THAT ARE DRIVING ANY HOPES I HAD FOR THIS TEAM TO NOT SUCK MUD RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW AND YOU'RE KICKING ADRIAN PETERSON IN THE STOMACH WHILE YOU'RE AT IT DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT YOU SELFISH COCK MONGRELS OR DO YOU JUST LIKE SLEEPING ON YOUR BED OF MONEY THAT FANS GIVE YOU TO SEE AMAZING FOOTBALL TALENT ON THE FIELD LIKE PERCY HARVIN NOT LIKE MCLEOD BETHEL THOMPSON JESUS YOU MORONS.
I hope Peterson requests a trade next. The Vikings deserve it.
(This sucks, but all those draft picks we got? That was a god damn steal. Holy smokes.)