mccarthy derp

Acting-Not-Very-Cordial: Talking Vikings vs. Packers Playoffs with Total Packers

Vikings Packers hate

Ever tried talking to a Green Bay Packer fan and then realized that you would much rather get eaten by a zombie, pretty much any day of other week? That's what it was like going back and forth with these trash bag Wisconsin football fans over at Total Packers. But I did it for YOU, reader, so you wouldn't have to interact with these rabies babies but could still get a hilarious preview into their muddled thoughts as Packer fans heading into Saturday's game. 

As is, welcome to another edition of Acting Not-Very-Cordial, where we ask a bunch of questions of the upcoming opponent's fans and hear their stupid responses on why they think they'll win. This week is no different, because we're lambasting these cheese doodlers and get to hear their make-believe stories about why they think they're so superior, despite having only won a single game more than the Vikings this season. It should be fun. Make sure to run over to their site as well to check out the Q&A I did for them, and then leave a bunch of comments about how much you hate their face. It should end pretty well. 

The questions and answers, meat and potatoes, breasts and legs, after the jump:

Purple Jesus Diaries: So it sounds like Mike McCarthy just spent this entire week trying to convince himself that Adrian Peterson's success of 400+ yards against the Packers this year was because of "poor gap assignment," and he thinks the Lambeau "home field advantage" of losing 4 of their last 6 games in the playoffs at Lambeau. Tell me, why does this triple chinned cunt think Lawrence Taylor is now playing for his team simply because they will be in Wisconsin, and that being at home means they get 12 men on the field? Because they don't. And he's stupid.

 
Total Packers: Well, McCarthy is a buffoon sometimes. He reminds me a lot of Brad Childress. Chilly! Whatever happened to that guy? He was a laugh a minute. But yeah, you're right. The Packers defense can't tackle anyone. If I had my way, A.J. Hawk would be dragged out behind a barn and shot like Old Yeller. Peterson will probably run for 400 yards on Saturday, but the Packers will still win. The sun only shines on a dog's ass once in a while. It shined on Christian Ponder last Sunday and we all know that won't be happening again for a while. 
 
PJD: But really, Adrian Peterson owns the Packers like Thomas Jefferson owned slaves. What feeble attempts is the Packers defense going to try and attempt this week to "slow him down" by maybe only allowing 190 yards this time? Charles Woodson? Oh no!
 
TP: Charles Woodson's return will help. Peterson had the majority of his success running right last week — that's the stellar group of M.D. Jennings, Hawk, Tramon Williams, and either Erik Walden or Dezman Moses. Woodson will take Jennings' spot in the lineup. The funny thing to me is, Peterson ran for 400-plus and the Vikings won only one of those games. The game they won, they only won by three. A team that was worth a shit would have put two blowouts under their belt if their best player had that type of performance. So what are we going to do to stop Peterson? Who gives a shit? We don't have to stop him to win.
 
Jared Allen Sacks Rodgers
 
PJD: How excited are you to see Jared Allen hog tie that whiny bitch Rodgers on the Lambeau turf Saturday night after Rodgers goes down more times than a Wisconsin mother looking for a Leinekugels? I'm really excited! Also excited for Everson Griffen to continue punching your stupid, makeshift offensive line in the proverbial face all game long, because they suck. 
 
TP: Let's see, a dumb hillbilly with a mullet who pretends he's tying up animals when he makes a play and a guy who once got arrested twice in three days. It must be tough living up to the lofty standards of being a Minnesota Viking. 
 
PJD: OK, serious question … In 2012, why do Packer fans think their team in monumentally better than the Vikings? Is 11-5 REALLY that much better than 10-6? It just looks like one game better, to me. But if you talk to a Packers fan, they make it sound like their defense is the '85 Bears, and that on offense you have BOTH Aaron Rodgers and Joe Montana back there throwing passes to Greg Jennings and Jerry Rice. First, I don't think that's temporally possible, but second, the team really just isn't that good. So where is this false and hilarious bravado coming from?
 
TP: The Packers defense is vastly improved from the abomination it was last year, up from last to 11th in yards allowed. The offense can obviously still put up points. People feel the Packers are a legitimate Super Bowl contender. Is anyone calling the Vikings a legit Super Bowl contender? That's the difference. Are the Packers that much better than the Vikings? No. I wouldn't make the argument that any one team in the playoffs is that much better than any other team that made the playoffs — they're all good. That being said, the Packers are better than the Vikings like the Broncos are better than the Bengals. They're certainly a more well-rounded team.
 
Brian Robison Nut Shot
 
PJD: Finally, will Clay Matthews take more human growth hormones to get through the game Saturday night? Will Aaron Rodgers kiss his male roommate on the lips softly before leaving their apartment for the stadium? Will Jordy Nelson ever stop being so white? Will BJ Raji continue to wag his finger after he tackles Peterson for a 37 yard gain? What are your delusional predictions for the game. And please, give me a resounding "Go, Pack, Go!" because that sounds so very confident. Assholes.
 
TP: I really don't care what any of those guys do in their free time as long as we beat the scumbag Vikings and we don't have to listen to idiot Vikings fans for another week. I mean, really. Do you even listen to yourselves? You talk just to say something. You're like a six-year-old child who's just shit his pants and is proud of it. "Hey, mommy, look what I did!" as you pull a hand full of crap from your drawers. Well, get ready to stop celebrating and go back to beating your wives. Peterson can and probably will run all over the Packers defense, but Ponder isn't having another game like he did last week. And that's okay, because you're used to watching other teams in the playoffs. 
 
Packers 28, Vikings 17
 
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Thanks? I guess? To Total Packers for doing this again. Hopefully the results are as hilarious as the last couple of times we had our back and forth. I know the reader's here are always good for giving them some shit, so let it rip, people, and let's stomp some smelly ass on Saturday night. 

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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