Minnesota Vikings star running back, Adrian Peterson, had a heck of a day on Sunday. He was going up against a stout Ravens' defense in an oppressive snow fall, and suffered an apparent scary injury during the game. Peterson left the stadium to get an MRI on the injury, and when he returned – out of uniform – things didn't get much better. Not only did the Vikings lose in rollercoaster fashion, but Peterson was allegedly hit by a random snow/ice ball from a Ravens' fan in the stands. Hurt, beaten, dejected, Peterson scanned the crowd to try and find the offender, because he had one, simply, question for this over-excited, awful person:
"Hey! You son of a bitch! That was a fantastic throw! Will you come be our quarterback?"
Peterson explained his reasoning:
"I was sitting there on the bench during the end of the game, with a little snow still falling. I mean, the snow would bother any person's accuracy, what with it affecting depth of vision, wind shifting trajectory of a thrown object, lower temperatures you'd have to deal with, and so much more. And I was pinned between two other players, so not only would a person have to accurately throw a small item that far through those conditions, but he'd have to split a double team essentially as well.
"And this guy did it, and I want this guy on my team.
"Listen, no offense to Matt Cassel on Sunday, or Christian Ponder throughout his entire career, or even Josh Freeman playing drunk out there, but whoever this person was deserves an immediate contract to come and play for the Vikings. I haven't seen someone with that type of accuracy and distance wearing purple since the Old Silver Fox days. How has this guy slipped through waiver wires? How has no one picked him up? Is it because he went to a small community college outside of Baltimore, probably? Is it because he is likely a drunken 350 pound gorilla that humps his sister in the trees? Because if so, THAT'S the guy I want on my team. And you can have him play defensive tackle too on defense to get even more bang for your buck.
"But seriously man, whoever you are, please get in touch with the Vikings as soon as possible. We need your help. You've already impressed me, and I'm pretty much the smartest person on the team, so we're good to go. Give me a call, and we'll set you up."