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Are We Really Talking About Trading Percy Harvin?

Percy Harvin Vikings

You'll have to excuse the sub-par level of reporting that this site is usually known for when dealing with this story. Admittedly, I've brushed off following this "Vikings trading Percy Harvin" news bit for so long because I thought it was just some big joke that people were discussing online the past couple days. Ha ha, funny one guys! Yeah, Percy should be traded! That's what this team needs, is LESS good receivers! Laughing out loud, in fact!

Well, imagine my disappointment when I found out many news sources were "reporting" the Vikings now want to trade Percy Harvin as potential, real, news. I WAS REAL DISAPPOINTED, IN CASE YOU COULDN'T TELL.

Honestly, I'm not even sure where this whole balloon fart gets its origins traced back to. The one thing I spent 30 seconds tracking down was from Scouts.com Vikings page, where they offered up the SUPER CLEAR quote to being their story:

Local news report says team sources claim that the Vikings are looking to trade Percy Harvin following a blow-up with head coach Leslie Frazier. The incident was credited for why Harvin was placed on injured reserve and why the Vikings are looking to trade Harvin.

Oh really, because I heard from Purple Jesus Diaries that John David Booty told me while smoking some keef with Percy Harvin that Percy was so high out of his gourd that he was going to fly to the moon, so BOOM, guess what, reports say Percy is a high flying receiver who wants to play with Warren Moon. REPORT ON THOSE FACTS, DICK CHEESES.

God, I just … The fact that I'm even writing about this just depresses me and makes me hate everything about sports media, and sports in general. Let's assume two things, here.

1. Let's assume the Vikings ARE going to trade Harvin. Why? Because he yelled at Leslie Frazier on the sidelines while the team was getting their ass kicked? Because he wasn't being a pussy bag and told the coach that their quarterback sucks, which he did in that instance, and that they probably should have kept a competent back up? That the rest of his teammates suck? That the offensive coordinator is a moron? That he couldn't believe we were losing to Russell fucking Wilson early in the season? I sure as shit don't blame Harvin. He was right. "But he still shouldn't have done that! He should have handled things behind closed doors like a good little puppet!" Shut your mouth hole, dough boy. If you don't want Percy Harvin yelling at you, stop being fucking dumb.

So now you're going to trade him? Great. We're totally going to get equal value for him. Better yet, let's just get a straight up draft pick! Because Spielman has had such a solid record of draft picks. For every Harrison Smith you have a Brandon Burton. Every Matt Kalil there's a Toby Gerhart. So let's just trade one of the most dynamic receivers in the league for garbage, which will simultaneously leave our receiving core in amazing shape. Welcome back, Jerome Simpson! God this team is stupid, and these are just hypotheticals!

2. The other assumption is that no, nothing is going to happen, and the sports media is just the worst thing on the world. That's actually not an opinion, and frankly is a fact. I feel like the source that some dip shit here talked to was a season ticket holder that also thought Moss was a shitty football player who hated Minnesota. Great breaking story, dick nose. Everything else you quoted was from four months ago, so none of this is new.

Point being, if the Vikings trade Percy Harvin, I break shit. The main reason being it wouldn't make ANY sense. At all. You get over spats with players and coach them better. You trade players who are shitty. Percy Harvin isn't shitty, SO GET OVER IT. It's not hard.

Do I have to do everything for this team? Shit.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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