Filed under "Topics I Can't Believe I Still Have to Slow-Talk to your Morons About," people are apparently still discussing whether or not the Minnesota Vikings should trade wide receiver Percy Harvin. I know. It's god damn ludicrous. You know what someone asked me the other day in regards to this? They asked, "But if we sign Percy long term, how are we going to be able to re-sign Phil Loadholt?!" The answer is no one gives a shit, because passable right tackles are more common than Prince going down on your mom in 1983. Why would you even ask this question?
The best player in the history of the NFL and Jesus Christ reborn, Adrian Peterson, agrees with us. In an interview this week with KFAN radio, he had the following to say:
Peterson made his comments Tuesday in an interview with KFAN-FM in Minneapolis when he was asked whether he thought the Vikings would deal Harvin this offseason.
"To be honest with you, I don't know if we will or not. But me, individually, and giving you my opinion, I wouldn't trade him for nothing," Peterson said.
Now, I know … Who ever listened to Jesus when he was alive, right?! I mean, let's just stone this Adrian Peterson and hang him to a cross, or something. What a bunch of wackadoo ideas this guy is espousing! What has he done, just ran for 1,598 yards this season with a sports hernia? Why would we want to take his opinion on player talent and roster moves?!
Oh wait, there's more:
Peterson, who won the MVP award after his 2,097-yard season, said Harvin is too special a talent to trade away.
"To do the the things that he's able to do, I don't think there will be a player able to do it better than him. Ever," he said.
So, you have the best football player to ever play the game talking about a player that is currently on the Vikings roster, saying there will never be another player than this player in question, and YOU WANT TO TRADE THIS PLAYER?!
Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you people? I mean, I always knew I hated a certain percent of Vikings fans that were out there, but this is getting ridiculous. I call you morons the "Moss-assins", or, people who drove public opinion in favor of trading Randy Moss out of town during his prime because he was right about how stupid this team was then. You assholes also cheer for Matt Birk, spilt your seed in your pants when Brett Favre signed, and now want Percy Harvin off the roster. Have you yet realized that every side of an argument you take concerning the Vikings is the wrong side? Because it is, and you are, and you need to shut your mouth holes.
I swear to God, if this team trades Percy Harvin because the majority of Vikings fans get all up in arms about it, I will straight disown this team. I will personally hunt you down in every corner of the internet and lambaste you all for being morons detrimental to Vikings fandom and society in general.
In conclusion, Percy stays, you GTFO.