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Former Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe Has All the Feels

Chris Kluwe Vikings RIP

OH GOD, IT FEELS SO MUCH. WHAT ARE THESE THINGS IN MY CHEST CAVITY THAT MAKES MY HEART PATTER AND PULSE. IT'S LIKE I'M EXPERIENCE THAT EMOTION THAT ONE TIME WHEN KEVIN GARNETT SAID "THIS IS FOR SOTA" WHERE IT BOTH HURTS AND FEELS SO GOD DAMN GOOD AT THE SAME TIME. MY FACE, IT'S MELTING WITH FEEL!!

In other words, former Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe had some heart breaking and simultaneously bro-supporting words for his former fans in the great state of Minnesota, which he shared in a recent post on MinnPost.

Let's jump to the highlights, Cotton!

From his farewell article:

Greetings, Minnesotans! We had some good times together over the years, some fun memories, and I’m super-bummed out about having to leave the state.

Wait a second, what? You're BUMMED to be leaving Minnesota? Pretty much every other athlete that has ever played an extended time in this state is near THRILLED to be getting the hell out of Bloomington. I'm looking at YOU Percy Harvin. You had fun memories too?! Jesus, Chris, this was your opening line in a swan song letter to your devoted fans in Minnesota, and already our socks are soaked thanks to our underwear drippings. This is going to be a messy ride.

I knew that winter would come, and it wouldn’t leave for a while — the dreary months of January and February with the wind whipping through until I could feel my nose hairs freezing the instant I went outside and took a breath. The piled snowbanks that only seemed to grow larger, the stamping of boots anytime I had to go somewhere, the warmth of a lighted kitchen while muffled flakes gently drifted out of a dark sky.

See, this guy oddly gets it. Let's take the fact that this is Mega Brain Chris Kluwe waxing all of these poetics right now, and just consider it rather as someone who grew up in California, and then moved to Minnesota for a while, and actually was able to appreciate some things about the winter. Hey, from a life time of sunny winters to eight months of snow, and you can make winter sound amorous? That's a cool dude in my book.

I will miss my teammates, my friends, my house. I will miss Minnesota, a state I never even really thought about until I was informed that I would be working there. I will miss the fans, and how loud they made the Old Inflatable Toilet during key moments, sound echoing down from that dirty old roof (back before it collapsed) and deafening the other team.

*sniff* Oh man, what is going on? There is like a liquid in my eye for some reason … Is it raining? Who is cutting onions near a computer? Why would you splash Visine on my face? What is going on? I can't handle any more …

I may have to look California now … but I’ll never forget feeling Minnesota.

*damn explodes, flood waters wash away the sins of our fathers, knees buckle, ground is pounded, heart breaks*

Anyway, nice of Kluwe to give us a send off. He's a cool dude, and I hope he punts the HELL out of the football in Oakland. But hey, if he could hold a football in different locations throughout Winter Park, maybe he'd still be in Minnesota. Right Jeff Locke?!

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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