Adrian Peterson has had a pretty ugly week. From being stuck on the Vikings squad, to finding out about his kid in Sioux Falls only as he's dying, to STILL PLAYING FOR THE VIKINGS, life isn't exactly the best. But when you're the Purple Jesus, aka the Son of God, aka Prince of Earth Returned, you don't let tough times get you down. You punch tough times in the face and tell them to knock it off.
Or, you decide, screw it, everyone else on Earth is being super dumb, and the only way to save people is by fathering the next generation of the 12 Disciples.
Or that's what it seems like, anyway. What we've learned about our favorite running back over the last week is that he's Johnny Appleseeding all over the country, and honestly, I couldn't be more proud of him.
Think about it. Adrian Peterson is the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. He's probably a little more than half way done with his career already. What are we going to do when he retires? Draft another Toby Gerhart? I don't think so. What we need is a pipeline of amazing running backs from the best genes in all of football. And so what is Adrian Peterson doing? He's being forward thinking and repeating his life lessons from the past, by gathering another 12 people to follow in his footsteps. And we should be offering him our support.
Listen, according to TMZ (super reliable news source!), Peterson is well on his way with seven children out there. All accounts make it sound like he takes care of them very well, makes his child support payments on time, and has given him half of his DNA. I mean, my god, could you imagine what you could do with half of Peterson's DNA makeup? I would totally be able to not sit on the couch for at least 30 minutes during the day. I'd be so strong. Relatively.
The only hope the Vikings have is to start pampering these children in some form or another as they grow, attend college, and look to get drafted by an NFL team. Hopefully, they all decide to forgo the draft, sign as free agents, and help the Vikings bypass all that nasty "contract ownership" rights the NFL Draft holds. And Peterson will probably still be playing in another 15 years (if we're being honest, here) that he can possibly even mentor his oldest children as his own back up. It's going to be amazing.
We just need five more kids to get us to that 12 Disciple crew, and keep this stretch of awesome running back play going for another 20-30 years. As long as there isn't a traitor among that 12 like the last time. DAMN YOU JUDAS!