Well, isn't THIS just the hottest news since the theatrical release of Mama Mia! FINALLY we get a football player from Minnesota who has shucked his brusque football persona and has finally gone over to the "pink" side. Former Minnesota Vikings center (and St. Paul native!) Matt Birk has become a male model. But not just ANY male model, NO. NO that wouldn't work. Birk has become the most FABULOUS male model out there!
If you remember, it's been a hot mess of an offseason for Matt Birk, as he decided he wanted to be a quitter in football this spring after the Ravens won the Super Bowl. Just an angel, isn't he? AS IF. We were concerned about this development, as not even former Viking Bryant McKinnie wanted to quit football after a Super Bowl win (he needed more money, though), so what was the deal with Birk? What're you doing, you know? Was he really a quitter, quitting on everything?
Well, we know find out that Matt Birk wasn't just QUITTING football, he was QUITTING being a hetero-stereotype. Which is SUPER progressive of him! I had him all wrong. I thought he was a gay hating, NFL quitting, Moss bashing, Minnesota back stabber, but I was totally wrong! That little Tinkerbelle just had the perfect plan laid out for him this entire career, and it now culminates in other men taking super snazzy pictures of him all day long, some with his shirt off because, why not, you know? Just let yourself go free, Birk, you know? You deserve it, you yard boy, you have worked hard for this. Treat yourself, you know?
So how will Birk take this new sparkly career? Will he model in Abercrombie and Fitch? Maybe maybe snap a couple of spicy pics for Lavender? Advertising for the Brass Rail? I'm excited to see what his next move is, and I know ALL Vikings fans will like to see him being added to our Shirtless Vikings gallery. It's essentially like getting voted into the Hall of Fame. So congrats, Matty Birk, you earned it!