new vikings stadium 003

New Vikings Stadium to Reduce Your Time Waiting to Poop

You know when you go to the Metrodome to catch a Vikings game and you've been pounding beers since 8:00 AM out in a dirty ass parking lot, peeing behind buildings, spraying all over Port-A-Potties, and just letting everything dribble down your pants? And you're doing this because – holy god – have you ever tried to use a bathroom in the Metrodome? It's like trying to scrounge for food at a buffet in China. Best of luck, noob.

Well, NOT ANYMORE. Peeing and pooping and throwing up from alcohol poisoning and having sex with women from Iowa in bathroom stalls is about to get a whole lot less time consuming, because in a recent Q&A on the Vikings.com site, it has been acknowledged the bathroom situation is going to be VASTLY improved.

Straight from the horses (Vikings?) mouth, here's the low down on the brown downs:

John Hedlund – Will I be able to go to the bathroom in the third quarter and not miss the entire fourth quarter?

No question. That issue will be alleviated in a couple of ways. First, the new stadium will contain approximately 100,000 more square feet of concourse space than Mall of America Field. While the two 360-degree concourses will vary in width, the plans currently call for a main concourse average width of 43 feet, while the upper concourse will average 38 feet in width. (For comparison, the concourses at Mall of America Field have a 24-foot average width.) That alone will immensely help relieve congestion in the concourses. In addition, the number of restrooms and points of sale will be significantly increased as compared to Mall of America Field. In the new stadium, the current general admission restroom ratio will be 1/40 for women (1 water closet for every 40 females) and 1/60 for men for the first 1,500 fans (ratios are still being finalized). Furthermore, there will be approximately 255 fixed points of sale within the general admission concourses, not including portable kiosks or the points of sale within clubs and suites. All of this combined will tremendously cut down on wait times and allow fans to enjoy the entire game.

Oh, you'll be "alleviating" the issue with the bathrooms? You witty bastard.

So, this is all good news. Let's get back to drinking. The only remaining question is whether or not the pee troughs will be back as an "homage" to the Metrodome bathrooms. Because what's a group urinating experience without crossing streams? You know what I'm saying.

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

Quantcast