1:30 Away From Another Tie
Remember the Vikings game last week? It probably doesn't really stick in your memory well, because the team didn't really lose, but they didn't really win, either. They didn't really do anything. They played the Packers with Christian Ponder under center and they left with the same number of wins and the same number of losses as they had before the game. They tied. It was ridiculous.
Well, they were 1:30 away from doing the same thing again on Sunday against the Bears. And for some reason, while a tie two weeks in a row would have absolutely been horrifying for the advancement of football on this planet, it also would have been exquisitely Vikings football, and driven me into a spirally vortex of crazy to watch this semi-talented team (on paper, anyway), become a laughing stock akin to the 0-16 Lions. How do you live that down?
You don't. So so, I guess, it's fine that they won this game (it would have been better had they lost it, certainly), but the win doesn't exactly wipe the smear of poop off our faces. We are now the team that kicked a game winning field goal in overtime, only to have it wiped away on the first facemask penalty to be called in said situation. Rhett Ellison will now live in infamy like Naufahu Tahi and the 12th Man. This win is not a thing to be proud of, by the way. But it is a thing that is "Vikings." We shall wear it like our Scarlet Letter. It's what we deserve.
Mushroom Stamp of Approval
Well, we won, so who didn't do the worst? Outside of Adrian Peterson who put up a sexy, all-classic performance on Sunday (35 carries, 211 yards), I thought it was amazing the sequence of plays that LB Audie Cole had. I don't remember where in the game it happened, because there were SO many crazy and stupid things that occurred, but I think it was overtime when the Bears were driving for a game winning field goal early. Cole essentially stuffed a runner up the middle first, and then on the next play dropped in coverage, tipped a pass to a Bears offensive linemen, then he dove in and stripped the ball from hum, causing a fumble. The fumble was over ruled because of some stupid reason, but it shut down a promising scoring drive for the Bears, and jacked that defense up something special.
Either way, it was an impressive play, and frankly, Cole's play over the last several games has been pretty damn good. Which raises the question, why was our coaching staff so f*cking dumb to cut him three weeks ago? That could have been a disaster if he was picked up by another team. And now, he's probably our second best linebacker, and calls all the defensive plays. Will he be the future for us? I don't know, but the fact that our coaches almost tossed that talent out the window makes me sick. That's why we're a losing franchise.
Matt Cassel Argument
I suppose the coaches were stuck with their own dumb ass decisions, but if we would have put Matt Cassel in at quarterback after the second game, I'd guess it's highly probable that we aren't sitting at 3-8-1 right now. Whenever Cassel was in with the offense, I actually saw wide receivers catching passes. Was it just because they weren't trying for Christian Ponder earlier? Or did they just magically appear better once Cassel stepped on the field? No, Ponder just sucks, and he always has sucked. But, because this stupid franchise drafted a stupid quarterback to early to begin with, we have had to waste an entire stupid year proving our stupid quarterback is stupid, so we can dump him and leave our stupid decision makers in charge of making another stupid draft pick. *sigh* … Point being, watching Cassel makes you pitch a tent thinking of what even a mediocre NFL QB could do with our offense. Just imagine what a good one could do.
Well, we screwed it up again. Just when you thought a tie game was going to be the worst we could do when fighting for draft positioning, we go ahead and win an overtime game in the same weekend that the Jaguars win. Now, the top of the draft order looks like it does above. I had been thinking that we'd be safe in the number three or four spot, if Houston and Jacksonville were ahead of us. Safe of course being a relative term. I was guessing Houston wouldn't go for a QB in the draft, and others like the Falcons would have different team needs. But now we have the Texans, Jags, Bucs and RAMS ahead of us, all of whom I could see taking a flyer on a QB before one even falls in our laps! WHAT ARE WE DOING, YOU IDIOTS?! No way Houston is happy with Shaub or Keenum, of course the Jags and Bucs need a QB, the Falcons are probably fine if they suck more than us, but I could see the Rams taking a flyer on a QB to replace the constantly injured and under performing Sam Bradford. So, we've just played ourselves out of a franchise quarterback. HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY. God dammit.
Silver Dollar Nipples and Notes
What else happened in this football debacle? Let's jump in:
– Imagine how good Cordarrelle Paterson would be if he had an offensive coordinator with a scrotum who knew how to use him? His speed on his touchdown run was a REVELATION. And the high five (low five?) for the ref at the end too was even better. I can't wait until we get a real QB, a real coach, and a real offensive coordinator who will know how to use his talents. What a waste. Poor kid.
– Think Chris Cook makes it past this season? Oft-injured, not that great, zero career interceptions. And let's not forget his new hobby of aggressively touching referees. Great decision, Cook! You suck.
– On the other side, however, Xavier Rhodes has been coming on like a beast recently. His pass break up in the endzone was outstanding. Could we pair him with a clone of himself on the other side next year? That'd be sweet.
– I told you about it on Friday, but Blair Walsh's mustache is pretty much what won us that game. Do you think he has the confidence to kick field goals under this much pressure without it? Of course not.
– The Adrian Peterson sideline dance during the FG miss was something to behold.
– Jared Allen was awful today. Admit it, Vikings fans, he needs to go.
– This team still isn't good. I just wanted to say that.
Spiral Season Haiku
My players have a rap sheet,
As long as my leg.
Well, what the hell. We were so close to two ties in two weeks, and instead, we ended up with a win and worse draft positioning. THANKS, OBAMA. Next week, I guess we face the Ravens, so whatever. Pray for another loss.