Once again we’re back to that post-draft sex sheen we all get when we start talking about young men in shorts who are now OURS. And since it’s coincides with the beginning of the long NFL offseason, we’ll take our damn time in reviewing each Vikings draft pick from 2014. In Purple Jesus Diaries’ NFL Draft-or-Bust Off 2014, we continue our amateur insight into the draft picks by reviewing our second first round pick, QB Teddy Bridgewater our of Louisville …
Teddy Bridgewater, a 6’2″ and 214 pound quarterback out of Louisville, is your new franchise quarterback. After all of the 2013 season was spent wishing for us to lose in an effort to #Tank4Teddy, we actually won more games than we should have and still secured the QB we wanted. Life is weird sometimes. A dual-threat quarterback who has shown plenty of skill as a traditional passer, Teddy will be able to take his time working into the starter role behind Porn Stache Cassel and Noodle Arm Ponder. But in time, dear fan, it’ll be Teddy Time.
What are we to call this guy? He apparently goes by the nickname of GUMP (Great Under Major Pressure, but also because he and EJ Hilliard liked the movie Forrest Gump), and I could get on board with that because it’s so weird and seemingly offensive, but it doesn’t quite have the punch we’re looking for. I’m also a fan of Touchdown Teddy (bland but effective) and the Willie Beamen reference. WILLIE!! would be a fun thing to yell during games.
SIX TO MIDNIGHT
So why is everyone so excited for Teddy Bridgewater? Because during the 2013 college football season, he was one of the better quarterbacks in the country at a relatively big school. He threw for amost 4,000 yards – in college! – and had 31 touchdowns and only 4 interceptions, with a completion percentage of 71%. As a comparison (and it is admittedly not a fair comparison at all), for his career Christian Ponder has thrown for near 6,500 yards, 38 touchdowns, 34 interceptions, and a 60% completion rate in the NFL. I guess if we wanted to be more fair, Ponder’s last college season had the stat line of 2,000 yards (not joking), 20 touchdowns, 8 interceptions, and a 61% completion rate. Sooooooooo … I like Teddy already?
Teddy also just has all the things that make your pants tight when you think about a kick ass quarterback; pocket presence and mobility, great accuracy on a variety of throws (particularly intermediate and touch passes), excellent job at ball fakes and play action, good footwork, mature and smart, isn’t a shit heel, and everything else you can think of. Oh, and there’s this:
Teddy Bridgewater vs. blitz in 2013: 70.1 pct completions, 11 YPA, 15 TD, 1 INT.
— Kevin Seifert (@SeifertESPN) May 9, 2014
That’s pretty good.
SHE’S GOT A HEADACHE!
Or, why would you not like him? Frankly, I don’t know why. People bitched about his pro day because of accuracy issues, and it is weird that in a controlled environment he hand picked basically that he performed poorly, but whatever. Look at his college career, how he played on the field when bullets were flying metaphorically, and you can’t help but be excited. I guess I’d like to see him fill out a bit more. Bridgewater always seemed kind of lanky. But get him an NFL nutritionist and a weight training program and he’ll be broad as a scotch barrel by year two.
Check that pocket presence at the 3:35 mark and tell me that doesn’t make you slide off your couch.
I am pretty excite. I’ve been clamoring for Teddy since the beginning of last year, and to see his draft stock fall right in our lap is pretty astounding. I can’t get over how people are so dead set on trading Adrian Peterson because they think we’re so far out as a competing team, when all we need is a bit more dynamism from the quarterback spot – like Bridgewater – and a defense that doesn’t suck balls. Zimmer will take care of the D, and you watch that video and tell me Teddy isn’t starting by like week 6. Put him out there with Peterson, and he’s going to see single man coverages for his entire rookie year, or, he hands the ball off to Adrian. Easiest job ever, PONDER.
I think Teddy is going to be pretty good for us. Is he going to turn into Aaron Rodgers good? I don’t know. But maybe he doesn’t have to. Maybe he just needs to be Teddy Bridgewater good, and that’ll be good enough to make this team awesome. I can get behind that.