In all the excitement that was the Minnesota Vikings making the best coaching hire of the offseason, we seem to have forgotten that there were other changes in the NFC North since the year's end, namely, that the Detroit Lions also canned their coach, Jim Schwartz, after the Vikings beat him in his final game coaching for Detroit. YES! WE'RE TOTALLY COACH KILLERS!
So what did the Lions do? Well, they liked how the Vikings apparently handled their sorry ass team so easily with a squad full of potatoes that they went out and did the next best thing to hiring our (soon after available) head coach at the time: They hired his exact clone, Jim Caldwell.
In some bizarre "gotcha!" attempt aimed at the Minnesota Vikings, the Lions decided to abandon the only cool thing they had going for them and hire a coach who is as boring as unbuttered toast and tap water breakfast – or, as boring as Leslie Frazier – and hire former Colts head coach Jim Caldwell.
Now, now … I would be first among anyone to say that just because a coach is BORING like Leslie Frazier, it doesn't make them a bad coach. You don't have to be a pompous penis head like Jim Harbaugh on the sidelines to be a good NFL coach, although if his track record is any indication, it certainly doesn't hurt your win-loss record. But boring can work too! It worked for Tony Dungy, right?! And he won a Super Bowl on totally his own merits, without … Relying on … Peyton Manning … Just like … John Fox is … doing … Oh.
Listen, boring fits what the Lions want, apparently, after their run in with The Schwartz. Despite his flair for temper, aggressive lack of player discipline on and off the field, Lions management eventually realized the ring they were wearing was found in a Cracker Jack box. They didn't actually NEED Schwartz to use the Schwartz. So they got rid of him. And brought in Caldwell, who is suppose to be the exact opposite of Jim Schwartz. He's suppose to DISCIPLINE this Lions team, instill in them a blue collar work ethic, respect, and attention to details.
But come on. He may do some of that, but at what cost? Schwartz was a crazy asshole. Caldwell isn't. Like Frazier, he'll always play it conservative, and conservative in the NFL means dumb. It means blowing big leads late, not taking risks down field, passing over potentially problematic players in the draft because you're afraid they'll be trouble in the locker room, and will fail to run a two minute offense because it's "too fast."
All of which to say, I think it's a great hire. For the Vikings.
Who knows. Maybe Caldwell is some genius we're all overlooking. I mean, despite him being the offensive coordinator for the Ravens during their Super Bowl run, it's not like the quarterback he coached there then REGRESSED under his leadership, right? Or … No, wait, that's exactly what happened. Well … At least we know he already looks good in blue, right Lions fans?