As you've probably seen by now, and as was suspected by THIS VERY BLOG yesterday, cornerback Captain Munnerlyn signed with the Vikings. His contract is a three-year deal worth up to $15 million, and $7 million guaranteed. It's a surprisingly reasonable contract for the Vikings, who you just know are going to run that guy ragged, because the rest of our defensive backfield sucks and/or is super young and injured all the time, even with the OTHER signing of Derek Cox, a CB from San Diego.
And this is all well and good, improving the roster, upgrading talent, filling out roster spots, and locking up players, but there are MUCH bigger issues to be discussed with this Munnerlyn signing. Namely, what's going to be his nickname?
As soon as Captain Munnerlyn was even rumored to be visiting with the Minnesota Vikings this week, bad nicknames and bad references started popping up all over the internet. And it made me furious. Every Twitter-Comedian thought they were the next WhatsApp developer by coming up with an "Oh Captain, My Captain" reference when talking about Munnerlyn, and I mean come on. That's like 37 characters for a nickname! That's not going to roll off the tongue, people! And it's not even engaging.
Listen, this is a big issue. This is like when people INSIST on calling Blair Walsh "Blair Walsh Project" instead of "Little Big Leg" or something else. Oh, a Blair Witch reference in 2014? How original. You must feel really old now, and a little bit guilty from eye banging the 19 year old cheerleaders all the time.
Back to the topic at hand though, now that we have a guy with an already awesome name on the roster for the next three years, we need to come to an early consensus on what we'll colloquially call him. It could just stay as "Captain" or "Munnerlyn" if it has to, but if people keep using "Oh Captain, My Captain", I'm going to burn down the new stadium. I swear.
So, to get us started, here are my suggestions. They may not work, they may not be funny, but god dammit if I'm not trying to better our fan base. Join in, won't you?
- Captain Munnerlyn: The First Defender
- Captain Love Boat
- Captain Munnerlyn: The Winter Soldier
- Minny Winny (For a small Antoine Winfield, in Minnesota)
- Captain Morganlyn
- Captain and Poke
- Captain and You Feel
- Captain Wunderkind
- Not Chris Cook
- All That and Then Some, Short Dark and Handsome
- Captain of the Skins Team
What you got?