Yesterday, a bunch of white, tight asses in cheap looking expensive suits and gilded in skin cancerous tans decided that they didn't like all that "street" behavior those dirty NFL players have been doing recently when celebrating touchdowns, and decided that any said player "dunking" on the endzone goal posts would be called for a penalty. Essentially, using the ball as a prop (in this case, as a basketball I guess?) is deemed disrespectful to the game, and had to be stopped by NFL owners who know EXACTLY what fans want. However, forcing the nation to watch the Vikings play a primetime game on Monday night is still TOTALLY respectful of the game. OK.
But what does this really mean? As the Littlest Viking Blair Walsh pointed out on Twitter yesterday, it's not like there are a TON of people on our team who are even tall enough to dunk on the goalposts anyway, so why do we care? We care, because the caveat of not being able to use the ball as a prop, could prove to be VERY disruptive to some of our players.
For example, think of all these famous touchdown celebrations which use the football as a prop we will no longer be able to see from Vikings players:
– That celebration where Jerome Simpson reaches the endzone (I know, I know … "When would that happen?!") and pretends to roll the football up like a blunt and then smoke it.
– That other celebration where Purple Jesus scores, takes the football to the goal post support, grabs two orange pylons and pretends to stick them on the football like little arms, and then crucify the football while turning around and point to the crowd yelling "YOU DID THIS!!"
– There's that celebration when Brian Robison get's a strip sack for a recovery and a returned touchdown (happens all the time, I promise) and he then pretends to fight the football like it's a fish into his boat, and poses with his prized catch.
– There use to be that one celebration when Chris Cook would start punching the ball like it was his girlfriend, but no one ever saw it in a live game because HE'S NEVER HAD AN INTERCEPTION IN HIS PROFESSIONAL CAREER.
– There is though that celebration where Blair Walsh kicks a game winner, then runs down the field to secure the ball for his collection, where he then takes the ball back to his house, puts a blonde wig on it, and lets it join its other friends at the tea party table of game winning footballs, all wearing different colored wigs. It's funny when he sits down at the table with them to drink tea too, because he's the same height as the footballs then.
– And who could forget that celebration where Christian Ponder uses the football as a prop, pretending it's his single fan that is really proud of him, asks a lot of questions, and the walk hand in pretend-hand back to the bench, all the while the football telling Ponder "what a good job you did, buddy!"
– Oh! And that celebration Kyle Rudolph does?! Where he scores a touchdown, spikes the ball, picks it back up, and pretends it's a can of Coors Lights he pops a hole in at the bottom, chugs, then smashes against his forehead. Those college nights at Notre Dame came in handy for something, I guess.
– There's also of course that celebration Linval Joseph did with the Giants, where he'd just eat the football. Can't do that anymore.
All in all, there will be a lot of cool, unique celebrations we will no longer get to see, thanks to the No Fun League. And that makes me sad.
Which celebrations will you miss most? Did we miss any?