Hey! We’re past Labor Day, and that means the summer doldrums are basically over, and all that non-football garbage can go straight to hell. Why? Because this is a GAME WEEK you stupid octopus. You now, by law, officially, all have to stop talking about baseball, NASCAR, hockey, loved ones, or whatever other stupid shit you pretended to care about. The only thing you care about? THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS, OR ELSE YOU’RE NOT A TRUE FAN! Says most morons. I mean fans.
But really, over the long holiday weekend we got our first look at the 2014 Vikings when the team unveiled the 53-man roster they will play with this year. The roster wasn’t TOO surprising from what Purple Jesus Diaries’ writers though (see our preview here), but we admit there were a couple of surprises. We’ve highlighted those below in our 2014 Vikings 53-Man Roster Review:
WHO MADE IT?
CHRISTIAN PONDER: Am I making a joke right now? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean, it’s KIND of surprising that Ponder made the team, considering he was once the future of this franchise who is now the third string quarterback. That’s quite the fall from grace, worse than Greece’s economy dip. Equally surprising is that he wasn’t traded. At this point, I doubt he would be, and Norv Turner apparently likes to roll three quarterbacks out on the field per season, so Ponder may still have time to #FREEHIMSELF. But I doubt it.
ADAM THIELEN / RODNEY SMITH: Both Thielen and Smith were certainly helped in making the roster because Jerome Simpson is a huge pothead and drunk driver who always is getting suspended by the NFL but also likely having a killer time way more than you do on the weekends, however both Thielen and Smith flashed potential to be NFL receivers. I think it’s cute that they both made the team, but do I think the Vikings are better because they are on the team? Not really. I just kind of feel like they made it by default.
SHAMAR STEPHEN: Not every draft pick is guaranteed a spot, I don’t think. Particularly not seventh round picks, and FAT seventh round picks (I just assume all defensive linemen are fat). But Stephens was a hot name during the preseason and certainly showed that he belonged on the roster. I’m happy he made it.
WHO FELT THE AXE?
JEFF BACA: Baca was kind of a surprising cut, in that he wasn’t a better guard than Charlie Johnson? Spielman drafted Baca out of UCLA in 2013, in the sixth round, so it’s not like he wasn’t though highly of as a player. He maybe just wasn’t the right fit for Norv’s offense. Either way, kind of surprised to see him go.
KURT COLEMAN: Coleman signed as a free agent this offseason with the Vikings, hoping to catch on at safety. It didn’t seem like it was THAT hard of a task, probably as easy as taking a fat girl home for sad sex time, but the Vikings decided to keep Robert Blanton, and Andrew Sendejo over Coleman and his experience. Kind of surprising.
FRED EVANS: Since last year, the only returning defensive linemen returning to the Vikings are Everson, Robison, and Floyd. Beyond that, the entire defensive line has turned over. That includes dropping Fred Evans like a Malaysian Airline. This is kind of a surprising move, considering Linval Joseph’s unknown leg injury status, and the inexperience on the line. On the other hand, our defense was terrible last year, so maybe getting rid of people who were here during that isn’t an awful idea.
ALLEN REISNER: He caught some touchdowns in the preseason, and we ended up keeping only two tight ends. But then Norv claimed former Gopher disappointment MarQueis Gray off of waivers, so I don’t even know what’s happening anymore.
What do you think? Is this team good enough to win a Super Bowl? Probably.