zach mettenberger smokes weed

Is Zach Mettenberger the Perfect Vikings Draft Pick?

The 2014 NFL draft is this week, and we’ve kind of done some work in previewing possible draft picks for the Minnesota Vikings. It remains pretty clear to us that the greatest needs are at linebacker and quarterback. That means – depending on how the draft falls, of course – the Vikings could pick anyone in the first round from Khalil Mack to Johnny Manziel.

But you know what? I have a hunch neither of those guys will be the Vikings top pick in this year’s draft. Not after I learned possible quarterback target – and potentially the greatest fit for the Vikings in this entire draft – Zach Mettenberger, passed a suspicious pee test at the NFL Scouting Combine.

Now, in fairness, the LSU quarterback was recovering from dehydration, according to his doctors. In doing so, he was asked to drink a ton of liquid to rehydrate, increase his consumption of foods that were high in potassium, and raise his sodium intake. BUUUUUTTTT that also means that his pee was suspiciously clear, as clear as a guy who knew he had a drug test upcoming and had to remove all traces of the sticky icky from his body, and that he was basically just a guy who had the munchies.

zach mettenberger

Now, should we red flag him for this? OR DOES THIS MAKE HIM TARGET NUMBER ONE FOR THE VIKINGS THIS DRAFT?!

I say the latter, and for obvious reasons. Not since the absence of John David Booty have the Vikings been in such need of a mildly talented quarterback who *probably* likes to smoke weed with a receiver on the team. I mean, what do you think Jerome Simpson has been doing these past two years? Rolling joints with Christian Ponder? I mean, it WOULD explain Ponder’s play, but it’s highly unlikely. A blazin’ southerner like Mettenberger would be a welcome addition to this team, someone to inspire the masses with his rookie potential, and build some team rapport with his favorite baggies.

Also, we still just need more characters on this team. A bearded clam of a man who puffs smoke out his furry cheeks would be just an outstanding development. COME ON VIKINGS, DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME!

PJD

About PJD

I once saw Paul Edinger kick a 56-yard field goal for the Minnesota Vikings against the Green Bay Packers to win a game in the Metrodome. It was exhilarating.

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